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Today we’re going to talk about, something natural to all of us, a normal human desire. We all have a natural desire to be embraced and accepted by others. The longing for the approval of our peers, to be chosen and recognised, is deeply ingrained within us. It’s a part of our nature as social animals, but it’s something that we should learn to resist whenever we seek the stamp of approval, not only from the critics, the crowd, and the market, but also from the people we encounter in our lives.
However, let us pause for a moment and delve deeper into the wisdom of Stoic philosophy, which offers profound insights on the nature of virtue and inner strength. Stoicism teaches us to cultivate a mindset that is independent of the need for external validation and instead asks us to focus on living in accordance with our own inner compass, our own inner sense of virtue.
The Stoic philosopher Seneca said that “Virtue is not affected by public opinion.” This is an extraordinarily simple yet powerful statement that reminds us that the true measure of our character lies within ourselves and needs no other validation. Again, virtue is not affected by public opinion and as good stoic we cultivate our own virtue. Our character is our only permanent possession and seeking validation from others can only compromise this. Seeking the validation of others, whether friends, colleagues, family members or the public at large, weakens our personal integrity and distracts us from our path of self-improvement. Instead, we should align our actions with our own principles and values and pursue them honestly.
Marcus Aurelius grappled with the challenges of being a public figure. Whilst he served as Emperor of Rome, he experienced both the adulation of crowds and the sting of criticism. He was surrounded by sycophants, those evil, odious people that nobody respects because they give you false approval and fake appreciation in order to get something out of you. They are false friends who are only interested in what you can offer them, and should you be replaced tomorrow will soon offer their undying love to whoever it is that follows in your footsteps. These types of people are more common than you would think, they abound in all sorts of modern workplaces and can be found in positions of influence surrounding and often suffocating those with actual power. Should we be in a position of actual power we must realise that whatever praise they heap upon us is not real, it’s utterly worthless and must be disregarded, so a good stoic learns to ignore praise and applies the same rule to criticism. Reflecting on the nature of external praise and condemnation, Marcus wrote:
“Everything hangs on one’s thinking…A man’s true delight is to do the things he was made for.”
Marcus Aurelius understood that external validation is fleeting and unreliable, and that true fulfilment comes from living in alignment with our purpose and nature. Stoic philosophy emphasizes the cultivation of virtue as the ultimate goal of human life. Virtue, in the Stoic sense, is the embodiment of wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance. It is the inner strength to act with integrity and to make choices that are in harmony with reason and morality.
Seneca, in his work “On the Happy Life,” reminds us that true happiness and contentment are not dependent on the opinions of others, he wrote: “No man can live a happy life if he cares what strangers think about him.” Stoics recognize that our well-being is not conditional upon external circumstances or the approval of others. Instead, it is found in the cultivation of inner virtues, in living a life of integrity and moral excellence.
So, while the desire for acceptance may be natural, Stoic philosophy encourages us to rise above this inclination. We are reminded to be our own witnesses, to hold ourselves accountable to our own standards of virtue. As Marcus Aurelius aptly stated, “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”
By embracing Stoic teachings, we can find solace in the fact that approval and disapproval are equally meaningless. What truly matters is our commitment to our own principles, our unwavering dedication to what we know is right, and the integrity with which we live our lives. Let us heed the wisdom of the Stoics, trust in our own wisdom, and pursue the path of virtue and self-fulfilment.
In a world that often values external validation, let us remember that our inner scorecard, guided by our virtues, is what truly counts. As Epictetus wisely advised, “If you are ever tempted to look for outside approval, realize that you have compromised your integrity. If you need a witness, be your own.” So, let go of the need for external validation, embrace the power of being your own witness, and trust in your own wisdom to lead a life of true fulfilment and meaning.
